Monday, May 25, 2009

Last week and a grocery story..

We had a rainy Memorial Day weekend here in Colorado, but we were glad to have Charlton home after he gone with the Training Ground guys all week in Wyoming. All week long, Rylan would shout, "there's Daddy's red car" every time we saw any car in a shade even close to red. Needless to say, he was thrilled to see his dad again on Friday afternoon.
I had aspirations of being super productive while Charlton was gone, doing things like painting the back fence, but when I felt a cold coming on Sunday night, I decided to be more reasonable. I figured planning to just survive and maybe even have fun with the kids while by myself all week was a much more realistic goal. I took naps with the kids, and really enjoyed not having to cook! We did have fun, going to the park twice and even the zoo once. That was an adventure because our small zoo was super crowded with tons of kids on school field trips and we hit a record of 88 degrees that day. After our cold spring, that felt hot!
Thursday I tackled the grocery by myself with both kids. I plan our trips for when both kids are hopefully not too tired or hungry and then hope for the best. I never know exactly what could happen. About halfway through our trip, Caroline started to fuss, which she never does, so I knew this was a bad sign. Then I notice Rylan has devoured his cookie in record time and is now hanging halfway out of the racecar cart, swiping at interesting boxes on the shelves and planning his escape. We finally reach the only check-out lane that is open and of course, manned by my "favorite" bagger. Please know I mean no disrespect to the elderly, and I imagine this man really needs his job, but he is the slowest bagger I have ever known, and not just time-wise, if you know what I mean. He always asks me if I want plastic bags, even as I am handing him the reusable bags I toted in myself. Then he proceeds to put the cereals and canned goods in the insulated bags while my cold cuts and frozen vegetables go in the regular bags. By the time I reach the check-out lane I feel like my children are two ticking time bombs ready to explode, I am exhausted from wrangling Rylan, and I can't get out to my car fast enough. I buy some time with Rylan by letting him play with the vending machines up front where I can watch during check-out. He loves to ride the mechanical horse and I promise him a ride as soon as we are done, which ends up being about twenty minutes later because I have the tortoise as a bagger. They actually had to open up two additional lanes for check-out because the line backed up so far behind me. While I watched my scanned groceries fill up the holding area and back up on the conveyer belt I calculate I have just enough time to toss Rylan up on his horse for his promised ride. I rush over and at that moment, Rylan decides for the only time in his life that he definitely doesn't want to ride the horse today. Okay, no problem, I scoop him up and get ready to make our exit. Only, in typical two-year old fashion, he changes his mind in lightning speed and decides his heart will break forever if he can't ride the horse. But now it is too late, because the tortoise bagger has decided (totally unnecessarily) to load my groceries in two carts and is trying to push them both, complete with my precious baby girl out the door. Caroline apparently thinks she is being kidnapped, so she adds her wailing to the screaming of my toddler, "I want to ride the horse, I'll try again mom." Heads are turning now to watch our entourage of an old, frail man pushing two carts by himself, a mean mom that won't let her hysterical toddler ride the horse, and a crying infant in her car seat. All the while I am begging him to please let me at least push the cart with my precious cargo in it. I am not sure I trust his ability to maneuver both carts across a bumpy parking lot without some catastrophe. Oh the joys of life with children. Never a dull moment, and we all did survive even though my nerves were badly frayed. I will say that I really, really miss my Publix in Orlando, and I wonder when the tortoise bagger has his day off..? Would it be rude to ask...? :-)


  1. Ok, so I am glad I found your blog because it is hilarious, esecially this post, and I have just read about everything but decided to comment on this post because I have my own very recent Publix horror story. So I decide to "run" into Publix for a few things, yea right,$150 later, and my horror story begins. We started off at the bakery for the "promised" cookie (and of course we are riding in the "promised" racecar as well) and all was great, even Preston was sound asleep in the Baby Bjorn. Like I said I was just "running" in because it was getting ready to rain and I wanted to get in and out but I ended up really shopping and of course Addison devoured her cookie and just like Rylan was swiping at everything and if my reflexes weren't spot on we would have had a spaghetti sauce clean up in aisle 4!!! So as I'm approaching the checkout lines that all happen to be backed up into the aisles I spot one that has quite a short line right smack in the middle, so I head for the lane and begin to empty my cart full of yummies. Preston decides right that second that he needs to wake up and start screaming his head off and Addison "swipes" a roll of Rolos and is secretly chewing on one already when I spot her and am in disbelif because she has never done that before!!! So Preston is still screaming and I'm kind of bouncing trying to get him to quiet down when Addison starts I guess she had decided earlier to "save" some of her cookie I thought she devoured and just so happened to remember it and as she was unwrapping it she dropped it on the floor..oh well..just keep screaming like your brother. So all the while as I am loading up the conveyor belt with my 201 items I keep feeling the guy behind me giving me rude what dude I have 2 screaming kids and 201 items and you with you bad attitude and 2 items should just go to the express lane instead of standing here giving me rude looks thinking I'm gonna just let you slide in front of me because you only have 2 items and I'm a really nice person (any other day I usually am a nice person and probably would let you sneak in front of me but not today!!!), no I'm not. For some wierd reason I don't know why but I decided to glance up at the lane I was in and of course oh happy day I was indeed in the Express Lane!!!!!!! So I guess between the last time I was in there (ok the day before...I go to Publix a lot) they decided to move the express lane from lane 1 to the MIDDLE of all the lanes, who's stupid idea was that, I mean seriously!!!!! Right as I make my discoery, the sweet little sixteen year old kid behind the register say, "Mam (do I really look that old to be called "Mam") just for future refrence this is the express lane and you have quite a bit more than 10 items so it's ok this time but next time could you please use one of the other lanes." I was MORTIFIED not only because of this but because both my kids were now WAILING!!!!! So they finish bagging up my 201 items and I am still red as a beet and yes my kids are still screaming when I start the trek out the door to my car and low and behold it is POURING!!!!!!!! So I can totally relate to your story and sorry this was a really LONG comment but I had to tell you about my story too!!! Hope all is well, the kids are beautiful and amazing, especially your little rap dancing boy!!!!!

  2. Ahh, the joys of the grocery store. My very FIRST experience at Wal-mart with a child was about four weeks after Maura was born. I spent WAY too much time there and she was ready to nurse long before we left, so she was wailing. The kind lady in front of me allowed me to go first and I got checked out, but ran out so quickly that I left a bag of strawberries on the carousel. The very same lady, who now thinks I'm a complete wing nut came running out after me and caught me in the vestibule, where I realize that I've forgotten one of the primary reasons I came to Wal-Mart--to drop off film. I stopped at the film kiosk, conveniently located in the lobby and perch my forgotten bag of strawberries on the cart containing my now hysterical child. I then bump my cart, sending my strawberries careening over the lobby floor. I stooped to pick them up, hoping to just dump them in the nearest trash can and make a quick exit, but some VERY kind Wal-mart associates see me and offer to get me some new strawberries. By now, I've attracted a small crowd, so I agree. I think she picked out strawberries the way that I pick out strawberries, VERY carefully. I have never been so anxious to leave a store in my entire life. Needless to say, I do most of my shopping at night after the kids have gone to bed!